I am a goal motivated person. If there's a total I need to hit, I'll try my best to hit it. If there's a prize or reward at the end of something, then you can bet I'll be trying my hardest to in it. I can't stand missing deadlines and I feel like I've let myself down when I don't meet targets.
I am constantly setting goals for myself within my reading.
Read 50 books in a year. Read 4 books in a week. Read 150 pages in a day. Read all the books you own. Read a long book.
Usually, I meet these goals. I read quickly, I read every day, I read when I could be spending my time doing other things. I push and push to meet the goals I set for myself, unable to accept failure or defeat. And I've started to notice something.
I'm not enjoying reading as much.
That's right, I said it: I'm not enjoying reading. Of course, I do still love all my books and the habit of losing myself in another world. Of course I do. But I'm turning it into a chore for myself. I already only review books when I feel like it, or if I have particularly strong feelings one way or another. Reviewing is not something I enjoy - I'll be honest - so I don't make myself do it very often. Why, in that case, do I set myself all these goals if all it's doing is taking the enjoyment out of something I love?
This blog is supposed to be a fun place for me to chat about the thing I enjoy most, but I feel like I'm ruining it for myself. I had a brief list of resolutions for myself - post more than once a week, read all your owned books before buying more, start reading longer books - but I don't think I'm able to face them. I don't want reading to become something I don't enjoy. I don't want my books to become things I look at with dread. I don't want to feel like this is a competition I can never be good enough for.
Which is why I've decided to cut back on my goals. If only read 30 books as opposed to 130, that's okay. If it takes me a week to read a book rather than two days, it's not the end of the world. I need to become a relaxed reader.
I need to stop setting goals.